Hands up if you’re dealing with, or have dealt with, conflicts with loved ones or family members while planning your wedding.
The good news – you’re totally not alone. Just about every couple deals with at least one person who drives them a little crazy during the Wedding planning process – we’ve all been there. Planing a wedding is one of the MOST stressful things you can do in life and so a little conflict is, sadly, inevitable. Whether you’re struggling with a future mother-in-law who finds fault in everything you do, a bridesmaid who thinks it’s ALL about her, or worst of all – you’re being a total bride-zilla and making everyone else’s life a bit of a nightmare (we’ve already covered how to NOT be a Bride-zilla in a previous blog – so if the latter applies to you – head over and check out “How to not be a Bride-zilla“).
There are heaps of people you’ll find yourself at war with during the wedding planning process – but from our research there are two key relationships that can be incredibly strained during the lead-up to your wedding…here’s our take on them and the best way to deal with them:-
The TOTAL Monster-in-Law
So your future mother-in-law is finding fault in everything you’re doing in the run up to your wedding and you’re starting to feel like no matter what you do – nothing will EVER be good enough. You’re spending too much money, she doesn’t want to sit where you’re putting her on the table plan, she feels like she’s not getting enough of a say, she’s not taking any interest – honestly, the list of future mother-in-law related problems is longer than both my arms and the worst part of all is you’re marrying into the family so you’re going to be dealing with this conflict for the rest of your life probably….
The solution…. breath and think grateful thoughts – and yes it actually is as simple as that. Remind yourself that if it wasn’t for this wonderful woman you wouldn’t be marrying the person of your dreams – one can’t exist without the other and as long as you keep reminding yourself of that – you can get through all the “monster-in-law” type behaviours because the truth is – you can choose your spouse but you can’t choose their mother, but you can choose to not let the things they say and do affect you or your relationship. You have to learn to let it go AND remember – if one day you have children together – you’re going to want this wonderful woman on your side for Grandma baby-sitting duties for those crucial date nights – so let the scathing comments go in one ear and out the other and bide your time.
We’re tackling this one second because this one is so much harder to deal with – but it’s probably the most common conflict of all. This is a person you’ve chosen to have in your life, someone you’ve chosen to be a part of the biggest day of your life and someone that you’ve no doubt had a relationship with for a long time. But suddenly you find yourself not wanting to spend time with them, shaking your head in embarrassment or frustration at the things they say or the way they behave, or worse – constantly having to chase them, having your texts and calls ignored and feeling like you’ve made the worse decision by asking them to be a part of your Bridal Party.
The solution…. we’re not going to lie – this is a tricky one and there’s no right way to deal with it. But there is a wrong way – and that’s cutting them from your Bridal Party and/or your life with no discussion or explanation – unless, of course, losing one of your closest friends is part of the plan. They way we see it – you chose this person to be a part of your Bridal Party for a reason and so first up, you need to remember what that reason was and decide if it was important enough to tolerate a few more months of their behaviour. Figure out , before you do anything else if their behaviour is a result of something going on with them (there might be a problem in their personal life that you’re unaware of) or if (and we have to say this – sorry) – it’s because of potential Bride-zilla behaviour that you’re exhibiting (again – check out our previous blog post to see if this might be the case). Next, sit them down, over a cuppa or a glass of wine (but keep a clear head) and have an honest and open conversation about your expectations, and theirs, and see if you can’t resolve the issue. Ask them honestly if they want to be a part of your Bridal Party and let them know that you value them and want them to be. You’ve really got two options and with two potential outcomes when it comes to a conflict with a member of your Bridal Party – you can stay quiet and forge on, putting your feelings and/or theirs to the back of your mind, or have the conversation and hope you reach a resolution that doesn’t affect your relationship long term – either way you have to cross your fingers and hope that not matter the outcome, your relationship survives the storm.
Whatever conflict you find yourself dealing with during the Wedding planning process – take comfort in knowing that it won’t go on forever, it’s a chapter of your life that will fly by and ultimately it will all be worth it when you say “I Do’ and get to spend the rest of your life with the one you love. As long as that part happens, everything else is just gravy!